Sunday, July 22, 2012
I'm having trouble believing the things I tell myself, it's really hard for me to convince myself that certain things in my life will stay constant, or they'll be okay, or despite the obstacles that get put in front of me, I will overcome and come out a better man.
Dude, there are times where I feel like I'm the king of the world, & nothing can stop me, or what I believe in, that I can do anything, I can balance a multitude of things, and yet still be able to do well at all. I have this huge amount of energy that just gets me going throughout the day, and a passion for the things I want to do.
But honestly, during those times I do try being optimistic, I do it the wrong way. I try to be oblivious to the negativity out there, instead of accepting it, I try ignoring the bad, and keep telling myself that things will always prevail, failure, rejection, disappointment, or any form of letdown isn't even in the equation, it's just my hard work and effort that will get me through everything.
I admit it
is a good way of looking at things, but when I look back in retrospect, I feel so naive about it. But whenever I look back, I'm looking negatively so that might be the problem. It's just when I do fail or disappoint others, or mainly myself, it hits me like a slap in the face - I have limits. No matter what I think, I cannot achieve everything I want and I have a physical and mental capacity that I can't overload otherwise I'll crash and burn. But the whole reality coming back to me just sends me into a spiral of disbelief about myself and anything I want to do, and sometimes I just don't know how to get out of it.
It's like dealing with an annoying sibling, that kind of problem. Ignoring it won't help, pretending that it's not there and hoping for the best, nope, not gonna work. It's one of those problems that you need to face head on and confront, and physically
do something about it, instead of being passive.
I know this is what I have to do. But yet, I don't know how I
can. Confront it, to be exact. To fix it, so it doesn't reoccur, and haunt me back again. I just don't like this rollercoaster-like emotional ride I've been going through. It's like this internal conflict between the person in me who wants to prove to everyone that I can be amazing, against the critical person in me who is truthful about my limits, and the other people belittling me, and putting me down, discouraging me, or don't have any belief in me as someone important.
I just don't know what to do.
6:16 PM
0 Criticisms