Thursday, April 5, 2012
I know I'm terrible. I fucked up. Pretty bad. I know I'm not the best. And I continually make mistakes. And you don't ask much of me, and yet I still never am able to meet your expectations. I'm not a trophy that you can show and be proud of, and despite and words or consolation said to contradict this, I still know the truth. I really am sorry. I'm sorry that you have to deal with my complicated ass, and you have to cover up for me and sometimes risk your own ass. I'm sorry that there's nothing I can ever do, and that I can't ever do anything right for you. I probably hate myself as much as you hate me, and believe me, I'm guilted by the fact that I can't do shit for you, and that's one of the reasons why I want to be away from you guys, so I don't feel the guilt, and you don't have to deal with me.
I'm sorry for being so selfish and naive. It really is my fault. I honestly just get so distracted with so many things that I lose sight of what I should be focusing on. I know for a fact that you aren't proud of me, but just to let you know, I feel that I'm of no worth to anyone, because I can't contribute anything to anyone's lives. I'm so sorry. It really does hurt though, every single damn day of my life, to know that I can never be something big in your eyes. Most of the time, I feel like its better that I either leave your life, or wish that I never even existed because me being here brings you and other people around you, so much complications, and difficulties. I am so fucking sorry. Just a few more months, then I'll be out of your life, And hopefully, it'l be better for all of us.
10:34 PM
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