Friday, November 5, 2010
If only you knew,
If only you saw it my way,
If only you took the time to listen before coming to a conclusion.
If only you tried to understand, and let me explain myself to you, so you would actually have an ounce of truth in the story you think you know, but you obviously don't.
You always assume I'm a bad person, with no regards to the future, paying no attention to the things in the present, and not learning from the mistakes I learned in the past, as if those mistakes would keep coming back.
You think that I have no moral values, i don't have the willpower to set my priorities straight, you think I don't use my well.
You think I'm always focused on having fun, and I never worry about anything.
You think my life is just one big game that I'm playing through, & all you wanna do is make sure I go through it your way, with no regards to what I want to do.
You think I'm irresponsible, & just focused on things that satisfy me physically or emotionally.
You you
you. You
think. You don't
know. you don't know how much effort I put into everything I believe in.
You don't know how much pressure that's put onto me by friends, family, and anyone else.
You don't know how hard it is keeping up with everyone around you when you have to put twice as much effort just to barely scrape along.
You don't know how awful I feel when I let down other people, including you, & the amount of grief I feel when I can't reach something I want no matter how much time and effort I put into it.
You don't know how much shit I don't tell you to just keep it peaceful between us,
You don't know how much I WANT to tell you, but I can't cuhs it'd cause more shit.
You don't know how much I actually think before I actually do stuff that can have serious repercussions, or when I'm just contemplating on how I should be a better person, or a better student in this case.
You don't know how much help I
desparately neeed from you, but I never end up asking, cuhs I fear you either getting mad or saying no.
You don't understand that almost everything i intentionally do, I do for a reason, because I need a purpose to do something.
You don't understand how much I keep inside just so no on else has to deal with this.
You don't know how much trouble I've forced on myself just to make your lie easier.
I know you have your own worries, troubles, and HELLA faults. I know you work hard too, and that your life isn't or wasnt easy. But honestly, sometimes I don't give a shit cuhs when emotions get in the way of your thinking of your talking, you end up being unreasonable, not fair, and hardheaded. All you do is focus on the bad, never on the good, and it makes me feel like a failure.
You even fabricate bad stuff that never even happened just to justify for your bitching towards me.
Sometimes you can be so damn ridiculous that it's freaking stupid.
Dont be unreasonable, don't jump to conclusions, and just fucking listen.
You'd be surprised at what you might hear. But its prolly not gonna happen.
If only you knew.
9:46 PM
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